Lucky You!

There was this one time in live when I have felt that I’m moving forward and maybe moving toward success. I was in primary school – perhaps eleven or twelve years old – and I felt that way simply because I was hugging a few books to my chest the way I see the big kids do. Big kids a.k.a high school kids and college students.

I vaguely remember wanting to grow up, to get this over with even though I couldn’t really say where I would be heading then.

But now that I’m in my senior year – the last year of high school for me – I can say that I feel more lost than when I was twelve. Because when you were twelve, you took an UPSR (examination) which will get you nowhere special except maybe good, expensive schools that claimed to have the best teachers and education system in the country. Then life went on and you moved forward. You took the PMR (examination) and then you started to think ‘Which stream should I take on next year?’ because this is when all the going-to-be lawyers and doctors and economists and etc. come up. And because in a couple of years, you’d sit for SPM (a very crucial examination!) which will bring you everywhere – depending on your results.

Which is why SPM has never been less than important in every Malaysians’ lives.

And what good timing! I feel lost in my last crucial year of high school, wondering where to go next and feeling ‘I-want-to-get-this-over-with’ and ‘God-how-am-I-supposed-to-do-this?’ mixing inside me, hurting me and driving me crazy because the uncertainty and anxiety are just too much to bear.

THAT and coupled with personal problems – a fight with family members, a failing relationship with an assshole of a boyfriend or losing someone you think of as your best friend ever – that is if you have any of the above.

Not that I have none of them. Err, but for the second problem I mentioned. That one is totally out of my book.

For now.

If you don’t, then you are extremely, extremely, extremely lucky!